Most of us know about a certain tiger who was compelled to submit to sex rehab recently. Too early to know if that is going to work (I doubt it); if it does, maybe it would be a good thing for a bunch of catholic priests.

But now, I learned about something else that struck me so hard I just had to write about:

Now we have these "experts" working on "rehabilitating" a female wild tiger because she killed people who stole her cubs, I am not kidding! Go to the link: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/22/world/asia/22tigers.html?th&emc=th and read the NYT article.

Some of these schmexperts are isolating tigers so they "grow to fear humans again"; if I were a tiger, I think I would attack if I were scared, so I really don't like the idea of tigers fearing me. Plus I think a tiger's fear is inversely proportional to its hunger at the moment.

Those of us who have seen the numbers know that rehab does not work, except in very few isolated cases. It's just amazing to see the things people dream up to put their energy and resources to work, as if there were not a ton of more important issues we should all be working on.

If this rehab thing is any good, I can think of several much better candidates: cub thieves, members of Congress, bank, insurance and Big Pharma executhieves.

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.  There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!  We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.  And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!  A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.  Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.  This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.  We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.  However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party."  The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.  There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.  We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.  I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.  How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are!  I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.  There goes the party!  Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.  Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.  Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other.  Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.  Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.  Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food.  The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!  We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.  But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.  They scream when you slice them.  I've heard them scream.  I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing weirdos can kiss my *ss.  I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!

Joan

... it's all in a point of view!!

Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked: 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines'.

No matter what language you speak or where you go, BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE IS ONE SMART WOMAN

Dear Big Pharma:

Your industry is truly amazing: your accomplishments include:

• the recent deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson (common sense from just reading the news, but here is a reference: http://www.naturalnews.com/026511_cancer_chemotherapy_doctors.html);
• through the years, you have killed more people than all terrorist organizations combined.

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O.J. Simpson (OJ) dies and, of course, goes to Hell, where the Devil (D) himself is waiting for him at the reception. The following ensues:

D: Hey OJ, nice to see you, I've been waiting for you. But there's a little problem.

OJ: What is that?

D: Well, this goddammned recession. There's overcrowding here and, due to budget problems, I can't do the expansion I've been planning, so there's really no room for anymore guests. But I cannot turn you away because I would have a huge PR problem if the media find out. So, what I am going to do is let someone else go to make room for you but... I am going to give you a few different options from which you can choose, OK?

OJ: Sounds fair to me...

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Now I am beginning to understand all these bailouts and other maneuvers the government is doing and that are going to save all our asses. I don't know who wrote this or when; it was emailed to me from Colombia. Read on...

It is August. In a small town on the South Coast of France, holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business happening. Everyone is heavily in debt.

Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and puts a €100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.

The hotel owner takes the banknote in a hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes €100. The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt. The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay €100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.

The farmer triumphantly gives the €100 note to a local prostitute who gave him her services on credit. The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she was owing the hotel for her hourly room use to entertain clients.

At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his €100 back and departs.

There was no profit or income. But everyone no longer has any debt and the small townspeople look optimistically towards their future.

Here is the inspiration for this post's title:

I always thought "Federal Drug Administration" was a misnomer. Boy, was I wrong! These bastards' only concern is actually drugs. They want nothing to do with the good things we can ingest, like natural foods and supplements, vitamins, herbs and such, except when it comes to prevent access to these good things.

You can get in a heap of trouble by promoting the benefits of healthy natural products. Yet, our government (not just the FDA, and not just the Feds) allows – no, promotes – mislabeling. One shameless example: the new rules of the Almond Board of California, with the blessing of the USDA, mandating the pasteurization of all commercially grown almonds, yet allowing those poisoned almonds to be labeled as "raw".

Things like this have prompted me to add a new section to the Timos site, which will be dedicated to the environment and other related subjects. I have started by presenting a series of hilarious cartoons. They are very humorous, but touch on a subject that is very serious; if you are at all concerned about our poor abused planet or about your health, you will want to look at these – just go to the site and take a look at the "Green Earth" section.

The Timos site is now bilingual (English-Spanish), so those viewing it in Spanish will look at "Tierra Verde". The list of all the cartoons is here: timos.com/timos/green/cartoonList.cfm.

Enjoy! More on this soon.

Note: This comic by Mike Adams – and the other 80+ - appear on Timos site, courtesy of NaturalNews.com, the Internet's best e-zine about the environment and a green earth. The original, in its full size is here.

This item has been moved to my food/wine/good life site, http://www.webgourmand.com/wg/commentary/wgArticle.cfm?itemID=175, where it can be read in both English and Spanish.

I have lived in San Francisco since 1964, but have been in my native Colombia most of the past three years. I have been back in the U.S. since late 2006, but due to various circumstances, I am staying with one of my sons and his two daughters in So-Cal for an indefinite period, with plans to return to San Francisco sometime this summer.

We are in a not-so-little-anymore town called Lakeside, about 30 miles East of San Diego; on the way, you drive through an area that must have been settled by furniture salesmen or carpenters: the two fairly big communities you pass are creatively named El Cajón (The Drawer) and La Mesa (The Table). And North to your left, the biggest and most prominent thing is romantically called Escondido (Hidden).

A couple of months ago, my son invited me to drive out and stay overnight at the most popular week-end destination around here, to which the locals go in droves on Friday evenings, in traffic that makes the commute from Oakland to SF look like a cart ride from holes 3 to 4 at Pebble Beach. We would be cruising by an area where there are wineries and casinos in an Indian reservation. I had visions of driving through Napa-Sonoma and ending up near the South Tahoe shores. The Indian thing turned out to be a mall with lots of outlets; and I did see some terrain with what looked to me like weeds and brush, but I was wrong, those were vines!<more/>After 30 miles eastward, we arrived at what the locals here describe as their paradise: the desert – i.e. the Mojave. Now I have a vague idea of the working conditions our boys in Iraq have to endure, thanks to the Global Village Idiot (that was You-Know-Who's nickname in a newspaper I read in France about three years ago). But I digress ...

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