An open letter to Big Pharma

Dear Big Pharma:

Your industry is truly amazing: your accomplishments include:

• the recent deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson (common sense from just reading the news, but here is a reference: http://www.naturalnews.com/026511_cancer_chemotherapy_doctors.html);
• through the years, you have killed more people than all terrorist organizations combined.

You have demonstrated exceptional abilities, which is why you are still in business after doing the above. Some of the stuff your scientists have pulled off is really nothing short of magic, which is why they have rightfully earned their denomination as pharmagicians: they and your executhieves with their big bonuses are indeed an extraordinary assembly of talent.

One of your latest accomplishments is that you have enabled women to only have to deal with one to four menstruations per year because "why should you?" - or something like that, according to the TV commercials that have aired recently.

Knowing all this, it makes sense that you would not have a lot of trouble carrying out another relatively easy little project that should benefit all people immensely: how about coming up with a pill, or an injection, or something that would enable everybody to not have to urinate or defecate, say, more than once a week? If history means anything, approval from your accomplices at the FDA should not be a problem.

Can you imagine the amazing benefits of something like this? Just think:

• how convenient;
• much easier to operate/maintain sewer systems that would have less than 1/5 the load to handle compared to the present volume;
• everybody would probably carry around a lot more gas: if we could harness that, think of all the extra energy we would have available;
• huge savings in construction costs: far fewer urinals and toilets would have to be planned for in new buildings.

A benefit to you would be savings in advertising; it could be in the same vein as the ads for Seasonique, so part of the work is already done, to wit: AND WHY NOT? WHY SHOULD WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH A SESSION AT THE TOILET MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK? WHO SAYS? WHY SHOULD WE? SAYS WHO?

OK, you're not dumb, so I'm sure you get my drift – just get your pharmagicians and your latrine solicitors working on this and use the media to let us know the progress.