Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.  There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!  We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.  And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!  A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.  Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.  This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.  We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.  However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party."  The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.  There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.  We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.  I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.  How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are!  I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.  There goes the party!  Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.  Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.  Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other.  Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.  Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.  Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food.  The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!  We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.  But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.  They scream when you slice them.  I've heard them scream.  I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing weirdos can kiss my *ss.  I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!

Joan

... it's all in a point of view!!

Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked: 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines'.

No matter what language you speak or where you go, BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE IS ONE SMART WOMAN

Here is one of my recent Twitter updates:

WOMEN!! – If issues related to hormone replacement drugs concern you, this is a MUST read: [link to this post].

I am so fed up with FDA corruption and all the things they do to protect their Big Pharma buddies, even if it means harming or killing us, the public whom they are supposed to be looking out for.

Read some facts about the Bioidentical Hormone Debate and determine what is in your best interest: http://www.lifeextensionretail.com/MagazineArticleDetail.aspx?article=116763.

When I find a compounding pharmacy that is not restricted in providing what you need, I will post a link here.

In the early 70s, I abandoned my career as a printer/real-estate-broker/financial-planner/securities-dealer/and-I-forget-what-else to become a cook. During that decade, I went to France and Spain to learn cuisine; then I worked as a manager/cook/chef at various restaurants in the San Francisco Bay area until 1992, when I opened my own restaurant, Timo's.

I have always been good at learning things from books, so I never took any cooking lessons. Before getting my first cooking job, I did a lot of cooking at home. After I got into restaurant kitchens, before I went for a new job interview, I would get the menu for the restaurant I was applying at and got familiar with the items they served. I got lucky: about three years after I started cooking for a living I nailed the job of Chef de Cuisine at one of the best Bay area restaurants at the time. If you are curious, that story is here. While at that job, I relied heavily on the two books by Jacques Pépin shown below.

Being a true heathen, I never did buy that all-American classic, the Joy of Cooking.

[More]

Dear Big Pharma:

Your industry is truly amazing: your accomplishments include:

• the recent deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson (common sense from just reading the news, but here is a reference: http://www.naturalnews.com/026511_cancer_chemotherapy_doctors.html);
• through the years, you have killed more people than all terrorist organizations combined.

[More]

O.J. Simpson (OJ) dies and, of course, goes to Hell, where the Devil (D) himself is waiting for him at the reception. The following ensues:

D: Hey OJ, nice to see you, I've been waiting for you. But there's a little problem.

OJ: What is that?

D: Well, this goddammned recession. There's overcrowding here and, due to budget problems, I can't do the expansion I've been planning, so there's really no room for anymore guests. But I cannot turn you away because I would have a huge PR problem if the media find out. So, what I am going to do is let someone else go to make room for you but... I am going to give you a few different options from which you can choose, OK?

OJ: Sounds fair to me...

[More]

Now I am beginning to understand all these bailouts and other maneuvers the government is doing and that are going to save all our asses. I don't know who wrote this or when; it was emailed to me from Colombia. Read on...

It is August. In a small town on the South Coast of France, holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business happening. Everyone is heavily in debt.

Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and puts a €100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.

The hotel owner takes the banknote in a hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes €100. The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt. The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay €100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.

The farmer triumphantly gives the €100 note to a local prostitute who gave him her services on credit. The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she was owing the hotel for her hourly room use to entertain clients.

At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his €100 back and departs.

There was no profit or income. But everyone no longer has any debt and the small townspeople look optimistically towards their future.

A recent wine drinking session inspired  me to write a series ot tweets about resveratrol, one of the current hot items being exploited by spam marketers to relieve you of your hard-earned money. Not a day goes by when I don't receive one or more spam emails – usually beginning with "Live to be 150 ..." – pitching the benefits of the magic resveratrol.

These messages often point out the fact that it would take drinking I-don't-know-how-many-thousand bottles of wine daily to get the amount of resveratrol your body needs and which you can get from one pill or capsule for x cents a day - not to mention the bonuses of $7,777 value that you will get if you buy x package for $29.94+9/10. (Also, there are doctors/scientists working on developing drugs from resveratrol; naturally, Big Pharma must be very interested. Look at this 60 Minutes video). Well, my friends, I think it's all bullshit!

Don't get me wrong: I believe certain supplements are very beneficial.

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I have been trying to spread the word about GMOs on and off for several months. For a while, I paid for a Google AdWords campaign for grass-fed meats from US Wellness, based on these meats being guaranteed to not come from cloned animals. I decided to offer these meats for sale on the Timos site only after I ascertained these meats would never come from cloned animals - I even got a statement in writing from US Wellness guaranteeing this to be true. And, in fact, some people did buy meats from those ads.

My big objection to this whole GMO issue is the fact that it's very hard to know the origin of foods or whether they contain GMOs or not. The FDA and other government agencies allow this non-disclosure, in fact, even encourage false labeling (think of "raw" almonds in California). THAT HAS TO CHANGE. When you buy a piece of meat in a supermarket, you have no idea if that meat comes from a cloned animal or not. We cannot count on our government to protect us.

The thing I would like the most is to see disclosure from producers/sellers being compulsory.